It’s been a while.. get ready!

What a crazy few years it has been! I left TLP after  10 long long years! Miah graduated RN school and started working at the U! I got my Bachelors degree and started working at a very unfulfilling job that paid well in the corporate world!

I lost both my grandparents to cancer! They were my constants! The people I could always count on to be there when I fell! They helped make me who I am and even a year after losing my grandma I pick up the phone to call her whenever I have a bad day or have something exciting to share! Maybe another story for another blog?

We lost Tesla, which is briefly noted in another blog story, but significantly impacted my life, my families life and the way that we interact with each other?

I do t want to say it’s not all been  bad though!! My kids have grown into amazing little humans that make me crazy and force me to question if I’m meant to be a parent Hahahah!  I’ve learned so so so much about myself and those around me! My other brother is FINALLY clean and is taking the steps to stay that way, and me? Well, I’m just still trying to find my way through this thing called life!

I’d like to get back to blogging just because I have a story to tell and even if nobody listens, it’s helpful to look back in it all and remember how far I’ve come or how tragically I’ve fallen!! Because the truth is that life is hard!  It’s not always an upwards growth and it’s east to forget that, but necessary to acknowledge in order to have any type of growth!

So here it goes!

Tomorrow is Valentines! So why not have a story?

A Loss so deep

I grew up in a place in which I was taught that Family was everything.  In fact one of the very first lessons that I can remember my mom teaching me was that friends come and go, but family is forever.  Later I gained my own perspective on friends, but it never changed that you did everything possible for family. I married a man who had the exact opposite feelings on family and for many years it was a struggle when I spoke to my own family 3 times a day and gave them everything I had.  He was never angry about it, but he just didn't understand at first. 

In 1998 my youngest brother was born a whopping 12 years younger than me.  I was beyond excited for him and yet there were days that he drove me bonkers!  Zachary was a blessing that came to our family when we were least expecting him. I had begged my mom for many years for another sibling and having Zachary was a blessing to me!   Shortly after having Zachary my mom got REALLY sick.  There were days that I wasn't sure she was going to live long enough to see us through.  At around age 14, my parents lost everything!  They were incredibly strong through it!  Once again I watched as family took front seat and we made it through!  

By age 17 I had moved out of my parents house and in with my boyfriend.  By age 18 I had officially stepped into my role as my family head.  I may have had the role long before that, but by age 18 I knew that I was leader and that I would do whatever I possibly could to lead my family in the best way that an 18 year old knows how.  

I began watching my brother's grades, emailing teachers, attending Parent Teacher Conferences and disciplining them for their wrong doings. I stepped into their lives in a motherly role.  I want to insert here that my parents are both AMAZING AMAZING people.  You will NEVER find someone as giving and as selfless as my mom!  Until this day she is one of my very best friends! However, discipline has never been her strong point. 

Fast forward a few years and as every family issue occurs I am one of the first to know.  I talk to all of my aunts, cousins and grandparents and generally know what is going on.  I have become a communicator and almost a guidance counselor.  My brothers argue and I'm the first to know etc.  I became the first contact, the negotiator, the reasoning force. 

However, as I start having kids and a family of my own my role as lead family member had started to take a toll on me.  I didn't know how to help anymore and felt like my kids weren't getting as much of me as they should have been.  I took a HUGE step back! 

In 2015 my youngest brother announced that he was going to be a daddy!  I think any female can pretty much attest to being baby hungry at some point and knowing that I had, had my final child and being overly ecstatic at becoming an aunt/grandmother I spoiled our soon to be surprise!  I knew that his parents were young and I had made it a personal mission to help them in anyway that I possibly could! 

Tesla was born on July 18,2016 as a preemie.  He was FAR too early and SO tiny, but he was a miracle!  I remember recieving the phone call that he was here and that I could come see him!  I dropped EVERYTHING and ran to the hospital!  He was small, but beyond beautiful.  I can remember my husband laughing at me as I practically gushed about my first meeting with him. 

He was preemie and therefore ended up in the NICU for several weeks.  I would go and feed and hold him whenever I was able!  

In the beginning of August I had prearranged a girls trip with my best friends and it was at this time that baby Tesla was going to be released from the hospital.  He could come home!  They had asked to move in with me and while my husband was skeptical he agreed that maybe we could help these two young family members get on their feet. 

Long story short, they lived with us for approximately 3 months when baby Tesla was called home.  I am SO completely heartbroken!  I have been trying to remain strong for my family, the rock that they want, need and know me to be as I slowly break inside.  How can something like this happen?  

Wow, wow and wow!  I LOVE reading my old blog posts!  I have completely fell of the blogging wagon, but I think I have inspired myself to jump back on haha!  SOOOO much has changed and yet, a lot has stayed the same! I finally married my amazing man!!

I had a new baby...

 

We bought our first house ...

The Holidays

I love love love The Holidays!  They're crazy, chaotic, expensive and completely worth it!  We did Thanksgiving twice this year and spending time with the family is priceless!  Tradition calls for my mom to sleep over on Thanksgiving so I end up staying up all night with her until Jeremiah and I spend more money than what's reasonable on Black Friday!  I must note that being an avid coupon blog follower, this years deals weren't that great.  I started Christmas shopping in July and along the way have picked up better deals than those found on Black Friday.  However, I love the craziness of it!!! It's a great time for me to spend time with both my mom and my wonderful Jeremiah!  It kicks off the Christmas wonder!

  Being a Christian family we do our best to keep the truth of holiday centered around Jesus!  This has done phenomenal things in our lives and the lives of others as the true Christmas spirit is spread! I'm off to start putting up the trees, nutcrackers and all of the decor.  I haven't written in a while, so thought I would ask what are your holiday traditions?

Acheivement!!

I had a morning where I woke up wondering, "how did I get here?"  I hate when that happens, but I also realize that it MUST happen!  I don't mean here as in a physical don't remember where I went to sleep, but as in a life realization.  When I was young I had avid dreams of being a Doctor, which is funny to me now as I'm definitely not the care giver type of personality.. in fact I tried an internship in the nursing hall of Alta View Hospital and also worked as a CNA supervisor for two years at a retirement  home.  If I know anything I KNOW that, that is NOT my field! The issue comes in knowing what is! 

The Wait

I've never been good at waiting, in fact I think I've heard and recited the words, "patience is a virtue," more times in my life than I truly care to admit.  I've tried patiently waiting for the answer on achieving patience, I've even gone as far as attending classes!  One that I can recall quite vividly was titled, "What to do in the Wait"  I believe that same day I attended, "God I'm Listening, Now What?"  Both touched me in ways I never thought possible, but also didn't entirely help me at the time.  It's funny when you learn about patience and then have to be patient for the lesson to hit home

 WOW... Jeremiah decided that he would go Archery hunting by HIMSELF this week.  He's promised to call EVERY night and told me to worry when he didn't... Well he hasn't called tonight!! Clearly I'm currently freaking out!  I tell Korvin, "mommy is worried about Dad."  His reply, "I know Mom, but Jesus is ALWAYS with you."  Did I mention he's four and sometimes far wiser than myself.  We sometimes have a hard time trusting in God's plan, I know that I especially struggle with this as I'm sure most of us do.  Korvin couldn't be more right, Jesus is with Jeremiah and I need to settle in for a wait that is killing me all the while FULLY trusting in God.  If anybody could have said anything better to me at the time, I can't think of what it would be.. once again the faith of a child!
So what of the classes?  They both taught that you have to trust God and NEVER give up on him, even when you are at your lowest of lows and there seems to be no end in sight, you have to continue to praise and trust that God is doing everything for a reason! New message?  Probably not, but still life changing! 

The dog.. Protector of his domain...

Bo, is without a doubt large! What nobody told us is that having a boxer is similar to having a hyper 3 year old child with allergies and a VERY bad case of the slobbers.  However, he is the sweetest dog we've ever owned, he adores the children and would guard them with his life.  He's also incredibly gentle with them, especially considering his size!  We got Bo when Kairi was 6 months old, because we had heard that boxers are great family dogs, and that has proven to be true.

Just today Bo showed that he will protect his children in all regards!  Ky saw a bee in the house this afternoon and as any 2 year old female would she began screaming as though it had already stung her! Captain Bo came to the rescue, which seems an odd thing for a dog to do when it's only a bee! In any case he jumped in front of Ky and began aimlessly pouncing (did I mention that he is always using those heavy paws of his, I guess you have to get your name somehow), he ended up getting stung in the mouth, but the bee definitely didn't get Kairi.  Korvin says he's a hero, silly kids. 

All kids need a pet, as annoyingly hyper and disgusting Bo is we couldn't be without him!  We went out of town for 4 days leaving Bo at my parents house and the only reason the kids were ready to come home from our trip is so that we could go get their Boey.  When they finally got him back you would have thought that it was Christmas, they were so excited!  Bo was understandably tired since according to me dad he slept little and wore a path in their carpet from all of his pacing and after greeting everyone he proceeded to pass out and not wake until the next morning.