In 1998 my youngest brother was born a whopping 12 years younger than me. I was beyond excited for him and yet there were days that he drove me bonkers! Zachary was a blessing that came to our family when we were least expecting him. I had begged my mom for many years for another sibling and having Zachary was a blessing to me! Shortly after having Zachary my mom got REALLY sick. There were days that I wasn't sure she was going to live long enough to see us through. At around age 14, my parents lost everything! They were incredibly strong through it! Once again I watched as family took front seat and we made it through!
By age 17 I had moved out of my parents house and in with my boyfriend. By age 18 I had officially stepped into my role as my family head. I may have had the role long before that, but by age 18 I knew that I was leader and that I would do whatever I possibly could to lead my family in the best way that an 18 year old knows how.
I began watching my brother's grades, emailing teachers, attending Parent Teacher Conferences and disciplining them for their wrong doings. I stepped into their lives in a motherly role. I want to insert here that my parents are both AMAZING AMAZING people. You will NEVER find someone as giving and as selfless as my mom! Until this day she is one of my very best friends! However, discipline has never been her strong point.
Fast forward a few years and as every family issue occurs I am one of the first to know. I talk to all of my aunts, cousins and grandparents and generally know what is going on. I have become a communicator and almost a guidance counselor. My brothers argue and I'm the first to know etc. I became the first contact, the negotiator, the reasoning force.
However, as I start having kids and a family of my own my role as lead family member had started to take a toll on me. I didn't know how to help anymore and felt like my kids weren't getting as much of me as they should have been. I took a HUGE step back!
In 2015 my youngest brother announced that he was going to be a daddy! I think any female can pretty much attest to being baby hungry at some point and knowing that I had, had my final child and being overly ecstatic at becoming an aunt/grandmother I spoiled our soon to be surprise! I knew that his parents were young and I had made it a personal mission to help them in anyway that I possibly could!
Tesla was born on July 18,2016 as a preemie. He was FAR too early and SO tiny, but he was a miracle! I remember recieving the phone call that he was here and that I could come see him! I dropped EVERYTHING and ran to the hospital! He was small, but beyond beautiful. I can remember my husband laughing at me as I practically gushed about my first meeting with him.
He was preemie and therefore ended up in the NICU for several weeks. I would go and feed and hold him whenever I was able!
In the beginning of August I had prearranged a girls trip with my best friends and it was at this time that baby Tesla was going to be released from the hospital. He could come home! They had asked to move in with me and while my husband was skeptical he agreed that maybe we could help these two young family members get on their feet.
Long story short, they lived with us for approximately 3 months when baby Tesla was called home. I am SO completely heartbroken! I have been trying to remain strong for my family, the rock that they want, need and know me to be as I slowly break inside. How can something like this happen?
